It wasn’t his fault. He was at least sure of that.
FLASH! FLASH!
He ran it through his head from start to finish for the umpteenth time.
Just a normal yawning Saturday morning on the courthouse steps. FLASH! FLASH! Taking photos of the newly weds all loved up and eager. The happiest day of their lives. Forming a bond which the family lawyers across the street belied, would last forever. One person's confetti - another person's litter.
Then she’d arrived. All brunette hair, bandanna and raybans. Out of breath and at a trot. Like a Southern breeze sweeping into his life, smelling of rose petals and juniper. She’d volted right up the steps towards him, knocking his camera aside (not the best way to endear yourself to a photographer) and kissed him square on the lips (which worked wonders at fixing the earlier transgression). He’d been so shocked he hadn’t even had time to think. Which was when she hit him with her knockout.
“Marry me!” A statement rather than a question.
“B,B,But I,I,I Can’t”
“You can and you will, right this instant”
And that’s how it happened. She bundled him into the courthouse, schmoozed the judge with a wink and a smile. Grabbed a couple waiting to be married. Pushed in front of them on the pretext she’d be quick ...and then dragged them in as witnesses to boot!
He didn’t remember being much involved in the process. When he said “I do” it was more of a question as in..
“Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?”
“I dooo?”
Like he was desperately looking for someone, anyone to tell him if he did or not… but by then it was too late.
She grabbed one of the many grooms - in training for a life of being told what to do, and started the beginner course by telling them to snap a quick photo for the record and then she was grabbing him and dragging him towards the train.
And here he was now. On a train to God knew where. Gazing at this woman who he didn’t know and hadn’t even managed to catch a name for in the rush of the ceremony and didn’t now want to appear insensitive by asking for clarification. A man should know the name of his wife? He was pretty sure that was a rule.
When they arrived at their apparent destination a gaggle of photographers crowded the train.
FLASH! FLASH! FLASH!
“Oh daddy’s going to just eat you up!” She giggled.
